Inspiring Sadness

Today, I went to a funeral of a great young man, Adam Langford. I didn't know him personally. I was connected to him, though. One connection comes from a great friend, Clint Davis, who was able to recently spend some time with Adam in Uganda and Rwanda. Terry Rush is always commenting on how we are connected through God's wonderful family. I was connected to Adam through my family at Memorial. I was connected through Adam's brother Ben. We (Memorial) support Ben, Kim, Elijah and Baby #2.

Danna was at Quail when Adam and Ben were growing up. Danna commented on the way home that she always wished she could have spent time with Adam and Ben's parents. When they got a chance to participate in worship at Quail as teenagers, she said she questioned whether they were teenagers because of the depth of what they communicated. Danna said she wanted to spend time with their parents to understand how you raise such Godly young men.

Many connections. Many blessings. All that was part of the funeral was very emotional. We laughed some. We cried a lot. Usually, lives are impacted by someone directly. My life was impacted greatly today by a man I never had the pleasure to meet.

I have been to funerals before for people I didn't know all that well. I often wonder if what was said was really true. I know it is true to the people speaking the words, but the way they portray the individual, I wonder.

NOT TODAY!!! I don't wonder at all. I KNOW, as one speaker said, that words cannot capture Adam. Knowing Clint and hearing Ben speak before, I know that what was said about Adam was true. The best part is that it is so true that Adam will live on in how he inspired, even during the sadness!!

Ben spoke of Adam during a wonderful eulogy. He started by addressing, in Lusoga (sp?), those in Jinja, Uganda who were watching by webcast. Although I couldn't understand all of it, I understood Adam and Moses names. I WILL NEVER FORGET THOSE NAMES!!!

Ben told a story of a man in a pit. He told that story in Tulsa back in the fall when I got to hear him at U4U United 4 Uganda. I am afraid I am one of those business men who just drops off a check. I want to be more. The questions in my head are more intense after today.

The most credible reason I know what was said about Adam was true is that Ben read words that Adam had formed. The perspective from Adam's words really challenged all who heard. It challenged us to be more transformed by God. We need our hearts, our minds and our eyesight transformed. Adam challenged us to suffer with the suffering.

I am so insulated from them. I so often find excuses for why I don't change my approach to life. One of my biggest problems is that I am looking for solutions, big solutions. I want to make a big difference. I have an ego problem. I want to have people say good things about me. I care more about what people say about me rather than what God says about me. God has spoken. What you did for the least of these you did for me. WHY can I not overcome this even when I know it and admit it? I am afraid. I mentioned the questions in my mind. I want to be doing something different but I am afraid to take the steps.

Adam's words intensified the questions in my mind along with recent challenges from some books I am reading. I have struggled with Shane Claiborne's interpretation of "you will always have the poor among you". I often use this to justify that I can't fix it. Shane's take is that we are supposed to have the poor among us - we need to be rubbing elbows with them, helping them, sympathizing with them. I don't. Another from Shane. Generosity is not measured by how much you give. It is measured by how much you have left. I have much left. Guilty!!

Adam, thank you for inspiring me today through the sadness. I promise to continue to transform, to rise to your challenge. I pray for God's continued forgiveness and grace for the slowness of my transformation.

Other thoughts from today.

Clint - I love you. My heart hurts for you. I know your head is spinning. You challenge me as well. I look forward to your continued transformation as you let God lead you to answers from all the things spinning in your head.

Heather - As I said to you after discussing how Adam inspired us today, you also inspire me. You fill your space in God's world VERY well!! I love you.

Danna - You inspire me everyday!! Thank you for listening and helping me address the questions in my head. I LOVE YOU!!!